Jane Austen’s BUFFY

And now, from the mad mind that brought you Austen Trek and Jane Austen’s Batman, we have

Jane Austen’s BUFFY; or, if Jane Austen had written Buffy the Vampire Slayer….

Mr. Giles turned his eyes on Miss Buffy Summers. “I can guess the subject of your reverie.”

“I should imagine not.”

“You are considering how insupportable it would be to pass many evenings in the presence of a vampire without being able to place a stake within his chest–and indeed I am quite of your opinion. I was never more annoyed! Their love of blood, and their eccentric dentistry–the villainy, and yet the arch dialogue of all those people! What would I give to hear your strictures on them!”

“You conjecture is totally wrong, I assure you. My mind was more agreeably engaged. I have been meditating on the very great pleasure which a pair of fine eyes in the face of a handsome vampire can bestow.”

Mr. Giles immediately fixed his eyes on her face, and desired she would tell him what vampire had the credit of inspiring such reflections. Miss Summers replied with great intrepidity:

“Mr. Angel.”

“Mr. Angel!” repeated the watcher. “I am all astonishment. How long has he been such a favourite?–and pray, when am I to wish you joy?”

“That is exactly the question which I expected you to ask. A watcher’s imagination is very rapid; it jumps from reluctance in killing a person to love, from love to matrimony, in a moment. I knew you would be wishing me joy.”

“Nay, if you are serious about it, I shall consider the matter is absolutely settled. You will be having charming relatives in Spike and Drusilla, indeed; and, of course, they will always be in Sunnydale with you.”

She listened to him with perfect indifference while he chose to entertain himself in this manner; and as her composure convinced him that all was safe, his wit flowed long.

“You are aware of his much-lamented past, I am sure,” said Mr. Giles. “And you must of necessity regard it with the greatest horror. To murder humans for one century, or two centuries, or three centuries, or whatever it was, above his head in blood, and alone, quite alone! What could he mean by it? It seems to me to show an abominable sort of conceited independence to chuse to remain soulless for so long–and then, at the last, to repent? And why?”

“The latter shows an affection for humans that is very pleasing,” said Buffy.

“I have a excessive regard for Angel, he is really very sweet (for a vampire), and I wish with all my heart he were well settled. But with such friends as Spike and Drusilla, and with his inexplicable love for hair gel, I am afraid there is no chance of it.”

Cara King, author of MY LADY GAMESTER and eternal geek

About Elena Greene

Elena Greene grew up reading anything she could lay her hands on, including her mother's Georgette Heyer novels. She also enjoyed writing but decided to pursue a more practical career in software engineering. Fate intervened when she was sent on a three year international assignment to England, where she was inspired to start writing romances set in the Regency. Her books have won the National Readers' Choice Award, the Desert Rose Golden Quill and the Colorado Romance Writers' Award of Excellence. Her Super Regency, LADY DEARING'S MASQUERADE, won RT Book Club's award for Best Regency Romance of 2005 and made the Kindle Top 100 list in 2011. When not writing, Elena enjoys swimming, cooking, meditation, playing the piano, volunteer work and craft projects. She lives in upstate New York with her two daughters and more yarn, wire and beads than she would like to admit.
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24 Responses to Jane Austen’s BUFFY

  1. Deb Marlowe says:

    Eccentric dentistry! LOL.

    This was a fitting final post, Cara! Great job, as usual.

    We’ll miss you!

  2. Diane Gaston says:

    inexplicable love for hair gel

    Another masterpiece, Cara! Way to go (meaning that sorta literally…)

    Pour all that talent into your YA and you have it made.
    Or compile your Austen treks into a little book of its own!!

    I will miss you…but remember, Once a Risky, Always a Risky!

    As they say in the South, “Y’all come back to see us, y’hear?” (you and Todd and Bertie, too)

  3. Fabulous curtain call, my dear! Encore! Encore!!

    Deb and the Divine One have picked my favorite lines. And I must agree that an anthology of your masterpieces MUST be forthcoming!

    I just know this YA is going to be fabulous! You must keep us posted! I have a sixteen year old niece who would LOVE to read it.

    And I concur “Y’all come back now. Y’hear?” MWAH! Hugs and kisses to you, Todd and of course darling Bertie!

  4. Santa says:

    Brilliant, utterly brilliant, my dear!

    I would say that I am all astonishment but that would not ring true. You are a gem, darlin’.

    Be sure to visit from time to time and let us know how your YA is doing. I can’t wait to share it with my daughter. She adores them, as do I.

  5. Ladyhawk says:

    LOL!! With such a brilliant understanding of a teen fave, I imagine we shall soon hear great news of you. πŸ™‚

  6. LOL! I still wanna see “Jane Austen’s Phantom” someday…

  7. Diane Gaston says:

    I want to see “Jane Austen’s Phantom” too!!!!!

  8. Steve says:

    Standing ovation!!

  9. Steve says:

    Oopsies, Steve is janegeorge, whose computer is in the shop!

  10. Cara King says:

    Thanks so much, everyone!!! You are too kind, really!


  11. Todd says:

    Very, very funny, Cara! I like the hair gel particularly. And the dentistry. Do dentists charge extra for vampires? This is a subject to which too little attention has been paid. And how can a vampire, who is unable to see himself in a mirror, use hair gel anyway?!

    And what about all the many other possibilities? Such as:

    Jane Austen’s Battlestar Galactica

    It is a truth universally (literally) acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good battlestar, must be in want of a shining planet known as Earth.

    Jane Austen’s Supernatural

    It is a truth infernally acknowledged, that a single demon in possession of a good man, must be in want of an apocalypse.

    Jane Austen’s House

    It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single doctor in possession of one good leg (but not two), must be in want of a Dale Carnegie course.

    Jane Austen’s Dancing With The Stars

    It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single celebrity in possession of a waning career, must be in want of dancing lessons.

    And last, but possibly least:

    Jane Austen’s Heroes

    It is a truth perversely acknowledged, that a single man in possession of super powers, must be in want of a discernible plot.

    It’s been loads of fun! Much love to all!


  12. “The latter shows an affection for humans that is very pleasing,” said Buffy.

    LOL! This is great.

  13. Lois says:

    Very cool stuff, and great way to go. . . I never actually watched Buffy, but would hit on it for a couple minutes when going through the channels (probably the reruns, not original), and I always did like that English guy over there. πŸ™‚


  14. What with guests in our house since Friday, I’ve been sadly MIA (no, not showing off a pregnant belly in a see-through dress like rapper M.I.A.), gadding about town and cooking.

    Cara, hilarious and brilliant job as usual.

    And I put in two hundred and one votes for Jane Austen’s Dancing with the Stars, the Almack’s version.

  15. Cara King says:

    Thanks again for all your kind words, Deb, Diane, Louisa, Janet, Santa, Susan, Ladyhawk, Amanda, Jane George, Todd, Victoria, Lois, and Keira!!!

    Buffy and Giles also thank you.

    As does Bertie the Beau.

    I’ll certainly stop in from time to time…but until then, thank you!!!! And all the best to all of you…


  16. Anonymous says:

    Ah yes Vampires are formidable indeed but what of Regency Zombies?! πŸ™‚

    And who said there are only seven stories to tell…


  17. Lawrence King says:


    If hair gel had existed in the Regency period, would Mr. Darcy really have used it? It sounds more like something Mr. Wickham would chuse.

  18. Cara King says:

    Thanks for the link, anonymous! That’s an interesting article — and it even quotes Myretta Robens!

    Larry, thanks for your comment! I agree Wickham seems the hair gel type. And I’m sure Mr. Elton from Emma would have used far too much mousse… πŸ™‚


  19. Anonymous says:

    You, madam, are absurdly funny. Thank you!

  20. Cara King says:

    Thanks so much, flattering Anonymous!

    And Giles also thanks you…


  21. folavril says:

    Oh, and dear madam, I have always hoped that someone would write Jane Austen’s X-Files. Feel free.

  22. Cara King says:

    Ooh, nice idea, folavril! I just might sometime… πŸ™‚


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